Mirroring: How we are shaped by early reflections

Our first mirror is our mother’s face. It is through her gaze that we begin to understand who we are. This early mirroring is fundamental to development. It is a process of reflection that informs a perception of self and by which our emotions are recognised and responded to by another. Consistent and empathic mirroring is essential for feeling alive, real and connected in relationships.

When the Self is Not Reflected

Mirroring necessitates that the caregiver is emotionally available and functioning well enough to respond in a way that is useful for the infant’s developing sense of self. When mirroring is absent, disrupted or distorted, shame is incorporated into the developing self and becomes a core around which the personality is formed. A felt sense of somehow being defective or unlovable may be more recognisable on the surface than the underlying shame. Missing out on adequate mirroring can also contribute to relationship instability, feeling isolated and disconnected, as well as trouble recognising the impact you have on others.

Therapeutic Mirroring

Therapeutic mirroring occurs when the therapist provides the necessary reflective process that was missing during early development. It is through this experience of seeing oneself in the eyes/mind of another that you come to see yourself more clearly and know your own mind. In other words, it takes a relationship to heal what has been wounded in relationship. At Illume Psychology we are dedicated to establishing a therapeutic relationship within a nurturing space where you are seen, held and safe to allow the fragile true self to emerge.

August 2024